Ugh…Actually, I love James Franco. (Via: Looper)
1. SHIA LABEOUF
The downward spiral of Shia LaBeouf began in 2005 and has become increasingly unusual with each new year. The trouble started with a series of violent and disruptive outbursts reflecting the attitude that LaBeouf was exempt from the laws of man. This flaunting of the law evolved into a series of copyright infringements waged against different comic creators. When LaBeouf was outed for his plagiarism, he waffled between plagiarized apologies, skywriting, and finally, public self-flagellation as a public art performance. Whether LaBeouf is a typical child star gone crazy or just a natural born jerk, here’s a word of advice: stop taking yourself so seriously.
2. KRISTEN STEWART
A quick search for “Kristen Stewart hate” yields 13.7 million results. By way of contrast, “Charlize Theron hate” yields only 4.6 million results, but most of them are about celebrity feuds or how she hated TV’s Sister, Sister/. Most of the Kristen Stewart results are vague death threats. Whether it’s an attack on her acting abilities or thinly-veiled jealousy directed at her occupational makeouts with Hemsworths, Pattinsons and Lautners, the terminally stoic Stewart remains a popular target for anonymous Internet animosity.
More than any other celebrity, the Hathaway hate-train seems to have hit runaway speeds without nothing more than a nebulous understanding of why people actually dislike her. While some cite that she’s too eager to be liked, or not quite authentic, or poorly hiding her Hollywood arrogance, it all seemed to start around the same time that she was cast as history’s worst Catwoman. Some Hathahaters cite that she’s won far too many awards during her relatively short career, and others remain in total disbelief that Hathaway’s enthusiasm is genuine. Mostly, though, the Internet relies on “just a feeling” they have about her, because those are always right.
It doesn’t seem to be too difficult to hate Zach Braff. Whether he’s trying to beat up a young kid on Punk’d, or begging for money to make another self-indulgent movie on Kickstarter despite his alleged $22 million net worth, Braff seems to be a difficult guy to really like as a person with whom we have to share Earth. Braff relies on the deep pockets of the pseudo-bohemian hipster crowd who feel validated by his unapologetic love of himself, and by extension, them. Braff, take a hint from real artists and make a personal sacrifice next time you want to make a movie instead of panhandling from one of your two homes – one of which is hilariously festooned with vintage bicycles, Polaroids, and boardwalk signage. Yes, we have reached hipster critical mass. Now, please implode.
Tom Cruise is an easy target, despite his diminutive boy body. Everyone can pinpoint the time period in the early 2000s when Cruise went from being a Hollywood superstar to being a weird rich guy who denounced science. No other actor has done a greater job to emphasize the disparity between the schlubs who sit in the movie theater and the people on the screen. Cruise and his ilk live in a different reality which just doesn’t comprehend that of the lowly viewing public, whether those people are celebrities or Scientologists. You’re free to believe whatever you’d like, but as soon as you start to spout off about how you’re “the only one that can really help” at the scene of a car accident, it’s time to beam back to your home planet and let the EMTs work.
Ultraconservative Mel Gibson has made statements, both sober and inebriated, about every human being who isn’t a rich, white, heterosexual male, and has made just as many apologies. If there’s an epithet that can be used to describe a minority group, Gibson’s probably spat it at someone, possibly while clutching his steering wheel in one hand and a bottle in the other. Despite Robert Downey Jr. pleading for Gibson’s forgiveness in 2011, no studio has used Gibson to promote a movie since his public breakdown. Celebrities who use their platform to express hate don’t usually have enduring careers.
If you hate Lena Dunham, it just means that she’s doing her job right. Dunham is kind of like the Bizarro-celebrity, approaching the world of television as an intentionally unlikeable character. Unfortunately, some of that unlikeability seems to be genuine. She’s been accused of undermining feminism and being generally mediocre, in addition to severely overreacting to criticisms of her show, Girls. Most egregious of all, she’s been accused of sexually molesting her infant sister, despite the fact that the irresponsible blog post that made these accusations stated that she was seventeen at the time, rather than seven. Whether or not this constitutes something immoral or just weird is a different debate, but it’s an image of Dunham that most people have since been unable to dismiss.
Now, bear with me. Jim Carrey doesn’t seem like an inherently hateable person, but when the Internet decides to spit venom, it’s usually pretty deadly. Until recently, the worst criticisms against Carrey were that he too high-energy to endure for a full movie, but he’s lapsed into an area of creepiness that hasn’t gone unnoticed. First, he drew ire for his anti-vaccination activism with former wife, Jenny McCarthy. After their divorce, Carrey made an incredibly creepy “love video” directed to Emma Stone, which may or may not have been serious. No one is sure, because Carrey signed his own ambiguous explanation with his own Ace Ventura emoticon. Finally, after starring in and subsequently denouncing Kick-Ass 2 only shortly before its release, Carrey is quickly falling from public admiration.
Franco is a jack of all trades and a master of none. Without doing anything outright offensive or immoral, James Franco is one of those guys who’s loved as passionately as he is hated. Whether Franco thinks he’s an author, a musician, a visual artist, a photographer, a knitting grandma or a tyrannosaurus rex, how can any thinking human being get behind a man who once said, “Are we human, or are we Franco?” He talks about himself in the third person so often that he’s practically indistinguishable from a Pokemon. While being famous doesn’t preclude you from having other skills, it doesn’t automatically entitle you to them. And stop squinting, Franco – once the hip kids stop paying attention, your future’s not going to be that bright.
Paltrow is another glowing example of the rich and famous being completely out of touch with how the other 99% of the world actually works. Her website, Goop, advocates purchasing $1200 skirts for your closest gal-pals, and a “moon juice kitchen takeover”, whatever that might be. Gloriously parodied by Parks and Rec’s “Bloosh”, Paltrow’s surrealistically impractical and decadent approach to everyday life tries to masquerade as a “back to basics” kind of renaissance, but anyone who’s ever paid for their groceries with change knows better. Paltrow is the weird divide between “us” and “them”, so we’ve decided to “consciously uncouple” with her. Yes, that’s what she calls a breakup.